From the Mouths of Babes

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From the Mouths of Babes

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN!

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a

woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark

naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the

back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'


2) OPINIONS


On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from

his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not

necessarily those of his parents.'



3) KETCHUP


A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her

struggle the phone rang so she asked her

4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to

talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'



4) MORE NUDITY


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker

room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing

towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then

asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'



5) POLICE # 1


While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was

interrupted by a little girl about

6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?

Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever

needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I

told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would

you please tie my shoe?'



6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front

of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was

barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got

back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at

me and then towards the back of the va n. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'




7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to

elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon

rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age,

particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring

at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the

inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth

fairy will never believe this!'



8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When

she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear

that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a

headache the next morning.'



10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm

just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write,

and they won't let me talk!'



11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he

fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that

had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy

called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young

boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
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